Monday, August 10, 2009

Street Parking, Street Fighting

Like the ancient times, there are fiefdoms in the Boston area. These are controlled by roving hoards of tenants and home owners, and they're protected not by moats and drawbridges, but by desk chairs and orange traffic cones. I'm talking about parking spaces. To say it's public land available for any member of the public would only describe the letter of the law. Street justice though, has a different interpretation.

The rule goes like this: if you dig out your car, you own that parking space. In Massachusetts, this gives you the right to harm any vehicle that takes that space. I'm not saying I believe this is ok. I'm saying this is how it works. And this attitude--a sort of condonement like the person commiting the crime has no choice but to follow the rules of the street--is the attitude you'll encounter in a few places in Massachusetts and especially Boston. The Globe puts out a couple of articles on this every winter and this one describes it quite well.

When I lived in Somerville a couple of years ago, I went on a vision quest to dig out multiple spots and purposely not save them. The idea was that everyone would get that sense of communal pain. Everybody's got to dig out a space at some point, and once they're all dug out? Plenty to go around. Things seemed to go well for me for the first month or two, but eventually the time came where I dug out a space, and came back home to find that someone had claimed it for him or herself--without having earned it. Well, now I understood the rage. I tossed the cone on to the sidewalk and attached a note saying "you didn't even dig this out!" I saw the cone sitting on a neighbor's porch a couple of days later, making me feel like a 9 year old who caught an adult doing something bad. The sad reality that people will try to get away with this stuff when nobody's watching is definitely something to ponder during those cold, close months of New England winter. And at times, even during the summer.


Here's someone saving a spot on August 1. There is probably an excuse or justification in their heads for this behavior, but the purpose of this blog is survival, not change. Know how to operate so this just annoys you (rather than destroys you).

Your strategy? It's best to save your spot after the first significant snow and observe your neighbors...see if anyone else is getting uppity about their spaces and saving them. It can literally vary from one street to the next. If you're in the right kind of block, maybe you don't need it. (I needed it in South Boston, but didn't need it in Jamaica Plain. On the street I live now, one end you definitely need it and the other end you definitely don't.) When the first significant snowstorm arrives, be sure to grab a spot you don't mind having for the rest of the winter. When you dig it out, leave your old plastic porch chair in its spot, and this place is yours for the next 6 months.* If you don't have an old porch chair, you must acquire one. Make sure it's properly weathered or you'll look like you're from out of town and you will have failed this blog.

* Yes, I said 6 months. With the exception of the occasional summer saver, most spots are saved until the last flake of snow has melted. You'll know when everyone else starts picking up their cones.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Virtual Waiting Room

It sounds like a scifi blunder, but the Virtual Waiting Room is a real thing, and it is an agony reserved for outsiders and insiders alike--all incarnations of Red Sox fans. The Red Sox ticketing nightmare in Massachusetts requires more than just one entry on this blog, so we'll just stick with the ticketing purgatory of the VWR. The demand for tickets is so incredible that there are lotteries over chances to purchase them for certain games, like Yankees games or opening day festivities. Regular tickets however, have no lottery. Instead, it's you vs all the ticketbrokers and their newfangled products. The web gets clogged when they go onsale, and I heard from an unverified source that Comcast and RCN (the local cable providers) rent nuclear-powered equipment from MIT in order to keep the entire interweb from hitting a giant 404 error.

When tickets go on sale, you have four options, each bleaker than the last.
  • Dial their 800 number, which gets so busy it may not even connect to get the busy signal. This will take hours.
  • Go online and visit the Virtual Waiting Room. It's a page that automatically refreshes every 30 seconds in case you can advance in line. If you open one internet window (no tabs, etc) and responsibly wait by your computer for each 30 second refresh, you will die of dehydration in 48 hours and sometime after your death you'll advance in line only to find out that everything's been sold out.
    • You can also open as many tabs as you can fit on your screen. Don't lose heart, but it's still going to be at best an hour or two before you advance. Can you stand sentry over 80 tabs for that long?
  • While you're waiting, you can go onto craigslist or ebay and see that people are getting in somehow and immediately selling their wares for a profit. It's pretty sickening for an honest RS fan.
  • Skip it and see a minor league game. (This secondary market, you may be surprised, also gets sold out.)

The last option of course is like a trick question. If you skip it, then you don't really love the Sox, because the Sox are all about suffering, and even though the Curse is now over, a Sox fan should seek out new and interesting ways to fail. The VWR fulfills this dream like no other fire sale can.